The Diary of ‘Wanna Be’ Lagos Big Girl: Near Miss

By: Anita Robinson   on   March 15, 2017

Great Venues In Lagos

So, here I am on this beautiful Saturday evening, in one the great venues in Lagos, having a great time at the wedding party of a couple whose name I don’t even know and eating delicious ice cream with the hottest guy in the room – well, my part of the room at least.

Considering our smooth rapport so far, and my observations, he has potential. #wink. His charm and smart conversation skills qualify him for a ‘significant – other’ status. And if that fails, as is usually the case, his work portfolio and the Swatch around his wrist makes him ATM material. #DontJudge. Whichever way the ship sailed, Ice cream guy is enough. For now. I’m having the time of my life. Nothing can go wrong in my world…

Well, this was all before I received his text:

I see you are having fun. WHO IS THAT MAN?

Oh no. My ancestors are at it again! Of all the people I can run into here, it just has to be this drama king! Mr DSquare – Divorced and Dramatic. What is he doing here anyway? My first impulse is to scan the hall for him. But I quickly stop myself. Apparently, he can see me from wherever he is, no point in acting like someone caught in the act. So I decide to play it cool. But before I can think up a suitable response, another text enters.


Oh, please! Enough with the SHOUTY CAPITALS. I’m not your (ex) wife! I wished I could say to him. I can’t do that though. He is the reason I will be attending my high school reunion next weekend in Abuja. I’m not ready to burn that bridge yet, not even for Ice cream guy. At least not before he proves his worth anyway. He may have potential, but you know what they say about a “bird at hand”?

Where are you? Let’s talk. Ok? I typed. Diplomacy usually works. Appeal to his ego enough and you have him right where you want. I’m hoping it works this time. There’s no telling what he would do otherwise. Once I send the message, I drop my phone.

My friend, Tinu is laughing to something Ice cream guy said. I laugh too, like I have been following the conversation. Tinu catches my eye and I read the question in hers, she knows something is wrong, so I slide my phone over. She reads quickly and slides the phone back to me. Then she leans slightly towards Ice cream guy and whispers something which makes him laugh. While he’s laughing she proceeds to brush off some imaginary confetti from his head and shoulder.

At first, I’m taken aback by her PDA. Then it hits me. She’s covering up for me, trying to create the impression that she is the one with him, since Drama King is watching. Smart girl! I smile at her and she winks.

Someone touches my shoulder and I turn to find him there, his face covered in an ugly scowl. I hop out of my sit and offer a half-hearted hug, smiling like I’m thoroughly happy to see him.

“Remember my friend, Tinu?’ I ask and he nods, still frowning. “Our friend, Wole.” I continue, pointing at each person. “Tinu, Wole, Femi here.” Tinu waves at him, grinning from ear to ear, her hand on ‘our’ friend’s shoulder. Wole says a polite hello and offers a hand which Femi shakes grudgingly.

With that out of the way, Femi takes my hand and more or less drags me from the hall, pausing only long enough for me to grab my phone. Once we are outside, I cut in before he can begin his usual rant.

“I don’t know about you,” I say, my voice sweet and cajoling, “but I’m quite ready to call it a night. Can we just leave?”

I know that will pacify him. I’m offering to leave with him even though I was with someone. He’d interpret it as a win on his side. At least now he knows I won’t be going home with anyone else.

“Fine,” he says, visibly relaxing. “Let’s go.” And that is the end of his vibration.

I quickly send a text to Timi to let her know I’m leaving and will get my purse from her tomorrow. Although I’ve managed to avert a major wahala, I go home feeling really sad and deprived. This drama king has ruined my chances with Ice cream guy. I didn’t even get his number. Tinu hasn’t replied my message by the time I get home. I make a mental note to call her once I settle in.

When I get out of the shower, there is a text from an unknown number waiting.

“Your friend said you had to leave, is everything Ok? Tell me over lunch tomorrow? I’d love to see you again. I bullied your number out of her, hope you don’t mind?

Ice cream guy! Wow! How on earth did Tinu justify my less than impressive exit that he would still want to see me? He had my number. Did I mind? HELL NO!

In all of the drama, I failed to appreciate the venue like I always do at events like this. Well, this venue was great but my boss thinks I shouldn’t mention the name yet – so head here for other equally great venues in Lagos.

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